99 Ways to Open a Beer Bottle Without a Bottle Opener

Somebody has a lot of time to sit around drinking beer and thinking about this stuff. Funny. VISIT THE WEBSITE.

Excuse me, but WHAT THE HECK IS THIS WEIRD-ASS VIDEO?

The weirdest thing of all to contemplate here is the mind of the person who dreamed up the notion of having grinning girls dance and bounce to, "Spare me my life!" LOL. Weird.

Ha ha ha... Ihateyourbaby Blog

This is wicked funny. Here's an example:

Something All Parents Should Know…
Diletakkan dalam Kids 5 July, 2007 Ditulis oleh Baby Hater

Your child is not special.

In fact he is either very normal or sub par. There are a few parents who get lucky and have that future Nobel prize winner, but that is not your child. Your kid is Tommy, the JV basketball player, with the 2.8 gpa and will end up going to the state college, where he will change his major 7 times, and settle on Mass Communications (this is a degree for idiots)…

So next time you say… TOMMY IS SPECIAL, remember you’re wrong and Tommy is probably in his room doing drugs.

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Rejected Condom Slogans

For Walmart Lovers Everywhere

Mommy Mommy Jokes

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts. Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child? Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Shut up and get back in the oven.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere? Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise. Shut up and eat around it!

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs? Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out! Well throw some more gasoline on him then.

Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles. Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl? Shut up and flush.

Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers! Shut up and eat your french fries!

Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimey? Shut up, you little snot.

Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much. All right, you can take another slice.

Find more "Mommy, Mommy jokes" HERE.

Funny and Crazy Billboard Ads

From Bored.com comes this fascinating photo list of some of the most interesting and amusing billboards to be found on the planet. Here are a few examples:

Family Guy - Top 10 Moments

I love stupid humor!

This show is almost as stupid as my all-time number one Favorite of Stupidity, "Beavis and Butthead."

Oops, wrong email addy

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address: A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My loving wife Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Weird Web Stuff

Weird Web Stuff

I love to "collect" bits and pieces of weirdness I discover on the web (in case you can't tell by what's already here). So here's a few more additions for you to enjoy:

What is "breatharianism" and what happens to the people who practice it?Not a real good idea if you plan on staying alive. These folks really believe their physical bodies can sustain themselves solely on air and sunshine. No food. No water. Ever. Except, of course, for one of their major spokespersons who got photographed at a Wendy's hamburger joint, chowing down on a whole bunch of junk food.

Science Toys
Some of this stuff is passing strange, such as the robotic hand that plays six piano pieces. All by itself. Anyone remember that old sci-fi movie, "The Five Fingered Monster?"

Watermelon Fruit Carving
The guy is an artist. With watermelon.

Secret and Hidden Places at Google Earth
The link will take you to the YouTube page for this interesting little video of "secret" locations discovered using Google Earth. There will be even more links to even more "Google Earth Secret Locations" pages listed here.

Weird Facts
Did you know that Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. president to have been born in a hospital? Or that in every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It to Beaver". Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California. And there's lots more where that came from!

Byberry Abandoned Mental Hospital
Okay, this is just creepy. The creepiness continues with "Legend of the John Doe Morgue." Oh oh. I just found The Byberry Archives.

How to paint the MONA LISA with MS PAINT

So you think you hate your driver's license photo?
Check out what these guys did to screw with their own DL pics on purpose.

Homeless Black Little Person Gets a Job from the Cops

Weird Picture Archive

Overheard in New York

What a great idea. You are out in public, you hear a massive amount of dumbness or meanness or insanity being spewed and you think, "Hmmm... I should start writing some of this down."

That's precisely what the "Overheard in New York" website is doing. They copy down the crappiest crap, the funniest, the strangest things that New Yorkers have been overheard saying and they share it online. Here are just a few examples:

When You're Here, You're Dysfunctional Family Blonde looking in compact: I need a new nose. Boyfriend: I need a new apartment. Blonde, whiny: It's always your needs! What about mine?! Boyfriend: You just spent five thousand dollars on your fucking tits with my money! Server waiting to take order: I'll come back when you two are ready... --Olive Garden, Chelsea

It's All in the Fricatives Granny: Be careful! Man jaywalking with several bags in hand: Ma, I know how to walk the streets in New York. [Car comes to screeching halt in front of him and honks. Man yells to driver] Fuck you! [To granny] See, I'm fine. --Main St, Flushing

Loud grandma tourist blocking crosswalk: What's the matter with these people?! Why are they crossing the street? Can't they see the 'No crossing' sign? Where do they think they're going? --Times Square

Nobody in New York Knows the Difference between At-Home and Outside Conversations Yuppie kid: Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo! Yuppie dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book? Yuppie kid: I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo! Yuppie dad: Dylan, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations? Yuppie kid: Yes. Yuppie dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation. Yuppie kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hooo... Black lady: See, home conversating, outside conversating -- that's bullshit. My kid says shit like that, I smack him. He won't say shit like that again. Yuppie dad: Okay, thank you, but I think our method works just fine. Yuppie kid: Lady, do you shave your hoo-hoo? Black lady: Oh, yeah, that shit is workin' just fine. She's all kinds of polite. Yuppie dad: Okay, Dylan, this is our stop. --R train

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