Ha ha ha ha ha... Howard Stern Prank Call

The F*ckin' French Toast

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some f*ckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f*ckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f*ckin’ French toast."

Mommy Mommy Jokes

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts. Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child? Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Shut up and get back in the oven.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere? Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise. Shut up and eat around it!

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs? Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out! Well throw some more gasoline on him then.

Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles. Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl? Shut up and flush.

Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers! Shut up and eat your french fries!

Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimey? Shut up, you little snot.

Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much. All right, you can take another slice.

Find more "Mommy, Mommy jokes" HERE.

The Chicken Gun

The Chicken Gun

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the Chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatter-proof windshield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."

Dumb Blonde Jokes

I love really, really dumb humor. And I'm a blonde, too! So here goes...

Q: Why did the blonde have to drink a hot pepsi?
A: Because she couldn't fit any ice into the bottle.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? "Oh look, donut seeds."

A blonde was woken up in the middle of the night to find her house alight. So she went straight to the phone and called 911. When they asked how do you we get to your house, she said "Duh...in the big red truck!"

The blonde couldn't call 911 because she couldn't find the 11 button on the phone.

The blonde couldn't work at the pharmaceutical company because she couldn't fit the bottles in the typewriter.

The blonde got burnt bobbing for french fries. The blonde couldn't go water skiing because she couldn't find a lake with a slope on it. The blonde thought the capital of California was "C".

The blonde thought that Mardi Gras was a French wine.

Why do blondes like convertibles?
More leg room.

There was a man outside mowing his lawn. He lived next store to a blonde who had just gotten a computer. She went out to her mailbox to check the mail and went back in after she had done that 10 times the guy asked her why she kept coming back out side and she said my computer keeps telling me I have mail.

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were having a breast stroke swimming contest to see who the better swimmer was.
It was a 5 mile race.
At the finish, the red head came first, then the brunette, and finally, after two hours of waiting, the blonde arrived. The red head and the brunette asked what had taken her so long. She replied, "Well, I don't want to be picky or anything, but, I think you two were using you're hands!"

A blonde and a redhead are walking down the street when the redhead says awww look at that dog with one eye so the blonde covers her left eye and looks.

There where these 3 blonde women that wanted to be policemen. So the blondes go into the police station for the job but first they have to pass a test. The first blonde goes in and the man asks her what she can tell about the suspect in the photo. (Note:The photo of the suspect is from the side.) So the blonde says "well he must be half blind since he only has one eye". The guy says no and that it is a side photo. So the next blonde comes in and says "well he must be hard of hearing because he only has 1 ear" The man says " no!!!, it is a side photo!!!!" So its the last blondes turn and she goes in there and looks at the photo. She says, "well, I believe that the suspect wears contacts. So the guy says, "well, I'm going to have to check on that". So he comes back and says "wow, how did you know the suspect wore contacts?" And the blonde replies, "well, it sure would be hard to buy glasses if you only have 1 eye and 1 ear"!

One night at a local bar a brunette, a redhead and a blonde walked in and ordered a drink. The redhead asked the bartender"Can I have an rw? "The bartender asked "What the hell is an rw?" She replied, "Red Wine, DUH." Then the brunette ordered a ww. The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "DUH White Wine." Then the blonde ordered a 15 .The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "Duh... a 7 and 7!"

Q: Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: Because she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

Q. How do you make a dumb blonde laugh on Thursday?
A. Tell her a joke on Tuesday!

MORE BLONDE JOKES HERE